Moose Talk

Baffling

2011-09-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

     During the most recent republican/tea party debate the crowd cheered the idea of an uninsured man dieing and society having no responsibility to help him.
     Ron Paul noted that thats one of the risks you take in a free market, that goes along with freedom. Why then do big corporations have to not take the same risks. At the same time the presidential hopefuls would talk of slashing the budget, the deficit and reducing the size of government not one of them would speak out against TARP, passed by a republican president.Which cost tx payers billions.
     Why would we as a country protect these large corporations with unlimited funds for making huge mistakes that were perpetuated by their own greed and lack of foresight but not protect one single man.

A moose does not understand.

I'll come up with something better lately...

2011-09-09T05:09:00.000-07:00

So today at a joint session of congress Obama announced he wanted to help everyone. Yet the problem still remains they were all passing around a huge joint, getting high and not having to worry about us.

I mean yes congress is getting high every day and only admitting it when the president tells them to is a problem. So Congress passes a bill that helps people not America. Cause if your anti-addiction then oil is an addiction.

I Figured it Out

2011-09-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

     There are some in this country who believe that to create jobs we must cut taxes on the rich. I figured out why this will work and let me tell you its an amazing plan.
    After doing some research I found that in the great recession Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was also hit by hard financial times. To cope with these troubled times and not able to turn to Harry Potter for help the administration decided to raise their tuition costs.
   Since we all know that the rich create jobs through magic our dire jobs crisis comes from not enough people graduating from the higher education of places like Hogwarts. So lets get together, cut taxes on the rich so that jobs can magically be created.

An American Fairy Tale

2011-09-01T11:56:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time...

     There was a middle aged man who said he wanted to make his country a better place through progressive ideals and policies so he went skipping down the campaign trail to make this happen.

   He eventually found a white found a house that no one was in, snuck inside and at the table he saw three pens next to three bills that were ready for his signing. He picked up the pen farthest to the right, it was to small and didn't feel right in his hand so he put it down. He picked up the pen farthest to the left, it was bigger than the first pen and felt just right to him.

     However the congress promised to veto the bill if the man held steady to the far left pen so he tried the pen in the middle. It felt to small to be effective and the ink to weak to make an impact but he agreed to use the childs pen if it would help the country move forward.

   With his chosen pen the man looked to the bills and the one farthest to the left made the most sense and had the most chance of helping the people who needed it. The bill farthest to the right seemed to only want to help the people who needed it least and the smallest, most childish bill in the center only seemed to contain lies.

    He did not want to sign that bill but the congress cried and pouted and screamed and yelled until the grown, mature man could not take it anymore and signed the bill full of lies.

     Exhausted the man retired to the bedroom where there were three bed. Having already seen the congresses inability to do what is right for him or the country he did what they would want him to do. He laid down in the smallest most childish, uncomfortable bed.

     Just after the man fell asleep realizing he had compromised on his principals that had gotten him this job the door burst open. The conservative bears can into the room and demanded more, leaving the brave progressive man one option: To run for his life.

Congress Kryptonite

2011-08-31T07:05:00.000-07:00

     It seems to me, a moose at least, that the human congress has been shirking its responsibilities. Take a week off for every two weeks in session. Going into recess during a huge jobs and economic crisis and not being able to pass bills due to squabbling amongst its members.
     With the announcement that several members will now be charging fees to attend town hall meetings (which I wrote about earlier) and other member complaining that the do not get paid enough. It seems to a moose that these people are much more in love with themselves than with their jobs or anything else they do. So to get them to act we must take a playbook from the people who invented democracy, the Greeks.
     Narcissus, a Greek warrior renowned for his beauty was lured by Nemesis to a pool of water where he saw his own reflection, could not look away and died.
     Thats right we march into congress with mirrors and hold them in front of our representatives and senators rendering them unable to move and on set them on the path for certain death unless they do what we elected them to do.
     Not an unholy or unreasonable request I might ad.

So if the suffering of their constituents, the barrage of press, the attempts at leadership, the millions of people suffering and dieing can not get out government to act.

Let us demean our public servants to their raw physical attributes.

Sin

2011-08-29T05:13:00.000-07:00

"a sin against God, just as all mortal sins, in as much as man condemns things eternal for the sake of temporal things."
- Thomas Aquinas on greed.

     Which makes a moose wonder why so many presidential candidates who said that god told them to seek our highest office are now campaigning on this very concept: greed.
    They say we should not protect our environment for the eternal future to feed our greed for current money and energy. We have current sources of power that are environmentally friendly and will last as long as our sun burns.
     They say that should not help each other out in a time of disaster unless we cut other areas that we help each other out so they can give money away to greedy corporations.
     They say that we should not have a minimum living wage so that corporations can fuel there greed and acquire more money and power
     They say we should not assist our elderly so that that tax money can be given to greedy and rich corporations that will not invest it and cause further recession.

I'm still wondering why god told them to run if they have so much support for one of the seven deadly sins. For all those who will say that Hurricane Irene has something to do with God and/or Washington. Why not look to yourself first?

A Revelation

2011-08-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

I, a moose, have figured out how to end Americas dependance on fossil fuels. I will buy an iguana, teach it how to dance and start selling my dancing iguanas services.

I will then incorporate my iguana as he will be my primary means of income and after incorporation he will have all the legal rights of a person.

He will then sue all the oil and coal companies in the world for digging up his relatives and changing thie death wishes from burial to cremation without reading a will as mandated by lizard law that he has faith is on a tree in Eden. He will then own all the remains of his kin and all the fossil fuels on the planet. God bless my lizard.

Just another note: Why is the conservative movement in the country obsessed with the definition of marriage but not of a person which now includes a corporation. Thats really crazy evil.

Conservative Economic Policies

2011-08-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

     As a moose understands it trickle down economics is thus: when the rich have all the wealth in the world they will just magically create jobs for those who don't have jobs out of the niceness of their hearts. The problem with this is of course that in order to acquire all the wealth in the world they had to kill, murder, rape, evict and torture billions of people. This of course is evil, vile, ugly and repulsive so this theory does not work in fact its not even a theory.
    Take the theory of evolution which for the following purposes we will consider as a theory, nothing more despite what you think. In forming the theory of evolution Darwin had facts and research and evidence. Since this theory was published it has been backed up with more research and evidence that has allowed a great deal of people in the world to find some truth in it and regard it as science and factual. That is a theory.
     When we look at the theory of trickle down economics all the facts say that it is false, it does not work. It has never worked, there has never been a time in our nations history where it did not lead to economic stagnation and/or a recession.
     This is different again than ones belief in god. A belief in god is unique because there is no evidence for it but there is no evidence against it, it s a faith based idea and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem with tickle down economics is there is no evidence for it but an innumerable amount of evidence against it which make it not fact, not theory but simply stupid lies to allow the greedy people to have more. They never create jobs, only demand creates jobs.
     Now let us look at one more example that will fully reveal the true nature and greed of Americans so we can do away with this nice myth. If you give a toddler a piece of chocolate he or she will eat it, if you give a toddler another piece of chocolate he will eat it and so on and so on until America is the fattest nation in the world. As individuals we tend not to share and be greedy bastards while half the world starves. But we formed a government for the people by the people.
    Which leads me to a little side note: any time a government official says the government is not the solution its the problem, first get out of office then. Second: I used to be a person, and when I was I was the government. In a democracy the power is in the people and I sure as hell was not the problem, don't you ever blame me for what you messed up. Third: don't point your finger at me, come up with a solution.
     Back to the formation of our government. Which over the course of our history decided should play a role in in sharing and making sure everyone had wealth. Which I think is a testament to America and the American way of life. If we as individuals are greedy, we can at least come together through a government that is us and share and help each other out. I think that is a good thing. Thats what you teach your children isn't it?
     But this "sharing" word is always refereed to by another word in the mouths of conservatives and that is: socialism.

Moose thought:
Sharing=good. sharing=socialism. socialism=sharing/good.

Conservative thought:

trickle down=good/money. trickle down = poor people. poor people = good/trickle down/money.

Whih side are you on?

Moose Pledge

2011-08-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Over the past several months several months many presidential hopefuls have signed a series of pledges promising to support some organization, idea or ideology. This is of course an easy way for them to avoid coming up with their own ideas or thinking. I , a moose, who do not support these pledges or any that are a contradiction to the ideas that founded our country. I as any one who signed any of these pledges to forget them and honor the following words:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.
Thats all men, any religion, any sexual preference, any immigrant. Not just some men or woman, all men.

That they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
It seems to me this means we would help each other out in disaster relief.

— That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
It would seem to me that if our government is deriving its power and driving force from corporations not men that it sahould be abolished and we should form a new government.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.
cripus attucks was shot to death by the British in 1770, the Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776. Corporations have been usurping power for over thirty years, it is time for the power yo go back to the people.

But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. —

So who will honor the pledge laid down in the framework of our country to actually help protect and serve all men, not just some men.

A Preemptive Strike

2011-08-26T02:36:00.000-07:00

     Thats right Moose can presumptively strike just as well as humans and sometimes better. This one of course has to do with the looming threat of Hurricane Irene and its inevitable collision with the east coast of the land known as the United States of America. There will undoubtedly be maniacal theories as to what caused this "natural" disaster so I will tell you what they will be then lay down the truth that a moose has obtained.
     There will be theories that this was caused by President Obama due to his skin color, well if he could cause this I say kudos: your one powerful man and your political enemies should stay out of your way. Others will say this was caused by the success in Libya, so oh my god what happens if we win in Iraq or Afghanistan. We can never end those wars. There will be many theories about the environment and global warming or mother earth: gaia. These cannot be true because humans didn't cause global warming but one man because his skin is black can cause this catastrophe all alone. There will be many more theories but they are far too crazy for a far, far, too crazy moose to consider.
    Now let me tell you, since I am a moose and do moose things I was invited to a meeting with Irene and she told me thus: none of these is true for they are all human ideas and hurricanes are not motivated by human ideas or thoughts but rather by hurricane thoughts and ideas. She told me the reason that she is coming to shore is like her shape time is a circle and will repeat the patterns of the passed. She comes to replenish life and bring about a tomorrow that is vastly different than today or things will become stale and eventually lead to the destruction of everything.

Capitalism Lost...

2011-08-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

     So it has become known to a certain moose that the department of Justice has just fined the search engine Google 500 million dollars for allowing Canadian pharmacies to advertise in the US. Several thoughts immediately come to mind and I will lay them out here:
     If corporations, the new people, can go to other countries to get cheap labor why can't old, flesh and blood, people do the same. Isn't that what capitalism is about? The more competition there is the lower the prices the better off the consumer. Shouldn't we be asking why did this action not reduce pharmaceutical prices in the US?
     So if the department of justice and by extension the government of the united states does not support healthy competition then we are no longer a capitalistic country. Which is fine be a moose and if we are now a socialistic government should we not use this 500 million dollars in new revenue to put people back to work improving their communities and infrastructure.

It makes sense to a moose.

Mother Nature De-balls America

2011-08-24T04:56:00.000-07:00

Thats right mother nature knows America is crumbling and isn't afraid to show us she knows about it. With the earthquake of August 23rd she had rendered our national phallus useless. With several cracks appearing on the Washington National Monument and some small chunks falling off the large penis at the center of our nations capitol has been closed to visitors indefinitely and so is therefore no longer able to function a its full and intended capacity. Mother nature has de-balled America and I'm wondering if Viagara can help?

Bushs Mistake, an unlikely Savior

2011-08-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

     Its seems to me, that my moose brain, usually leans me to be more of a human liberal or progressive, this I think is reflected very much in the writings that I post, here, on this blog. However right now I find myself thanking former president George W. Bush from his obvious mistake in invading Iraq under the guise of finding weapons of mass destruction. While I do not support the war itself or any war for that matter, I applaud his flawed intelligence and the pickle he found once we had invaded.
     Once America had taken over the Iraq country and no WMDs were found the former administration needed to find someway to legitimize our occupation and trillions of tax payer dollars to war contractors (or profiteers). They decided that we were there to bring democracy to Iraq which is of course a lie for in the mind of a moose democracy cannot be given, it must be taken but this did not stop the government propaganda machine from convincing the American people that's why we were there.
       It was this desperate and not well thought out policy change that has opened the door for democracy in the Arab world. For the last fifty or so years America has always supported dictators in the middle east who would sell us oil for cheap or stabilize the region so oil production would be uninterrupted. Which I'm sure America would have tried to do again when the movements started in Tunisia and Egypt but this was not possible after several years of saying we were there in the first place to bring democracy. So it seems, to a moose, that we should thank mister Bush for his bumbling of the Iraq war that has now led to the people of the middle east being able to create their own democracies and take their own freedom.

A Moose Fights for Equality

2011-08-23T00:09:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention in recent days of current and past time that there is a new minority rising amongst us in the united states. It is a minority with no voice that cannot be heard and I say this must be remedied.
This new class of people is the super rich. There are fewer and fewer of them every day as the larger ones get rich and the smaller ones fail causing the income disparity to grow. I as a moose feel for this small minority, I feel for them oh so dearly and I pledge myself to help them but first we must identify their problem. There main problem is that heretical administrations of the past have lowered their taxes to almost historic lows so therefore they pay less in percentage to the government than anyone else. Now normally this wouldn't be a problem but every since January 2010 what this means is that this small and minute minority have less speech than anyone else. Now this country was founded on the principal of free speech and this rich minority cannot constitutionally live with less speech than the rest of 99 percent of America. This is a travesty and I am hereby announcing the first crusade ever by a moose to get the rich minorities tax percentage raised to that which we all pay so we all can celebrate equal and free speech on the same level.
On a personal note I would like to ask why it is I, a moose, who has discovered this great abuse of power in America and no human has seen it before. It is atravesty, so join with me now so those who pay less taxes can one day pay as much as we do.

Protection in America

2011-08-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

So it seems from the point of view of a moose that the current and constant calls from many of the GOP presidential hopefuls to get rid of the EPA to create jobs does not do enough. I mean sure we can get rid of the EPA and pollute our environment so our kids will be sure to get cancer and other deadly diseases that will create jobs and help fun the pharmaceutical companies but who gets hurt but the kids. They will get rid of abortion so that all kids will be born in order to get a disease to fund these gigantic corporations but I ask why stop there.
Why don't we get rid of the police protectors so we can all get jobs as criminals I mean the mob has been doing it for years I think its time for the average American to have the chance to be a criminal. Why don't we get rid of the army protectors so more people can work as terrorists attacking America. If we get rid of the EPA no one will want this land so lets stop funding the army. You know what, why stop there why not get rid of parental protectors have our children raised by corporations to be drones for the big money, isn't that where all this is headed anyways.

Democracy, Heroes and the Tea Party

2011-08-22T03:08:00.000-07:00

In 12th century England Richard the Lion heart was away on the crusades leaving his kingdom to be ruled by an unofficial ruler, his brother prince John.

At the beginning of the 21st century America a corrupt politician used his money and influence to overthrow the peoples will, or democracy, and George W. Bush bought the presidency. Another ruler that was unofficial and bent on destroying the fabric of righteousness.

Both thought they were ordained by god to be rulers.

     With his new found power Prince John raised taxes on the poor to give to the wealthy and those who could not pay were thrown out into the streets and eventually found their way to the forests. With George Bush's new power he seemingly lowered the taxes on the poor but eventually as the housing market crumbled increased our national debt which will ultimately cost the poor much more in taxes. Not only that, the companies that we bailed out acted like prince john and when we could not pay more our mortgages they evicted us onto the streets. Even though they now existed because of our help and the taxes our childrens children will have to pay.
     In the 12th century the people rallied around a hero, an icon who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. Robin hood in all his goodness and decency is still remembered today as a fighter for the people and for prosperity of the little man. Where is our contemporary Robin Hood?
     The world we live in is very different than that of Robin Hood and so therefore he a hero come in a different form. Since we claim to live in a democracy, as we have seen during the Arab Spring, the hero must be the people. How do we with such little wealth stand up against such a mighty power and take back what is rightfully ours. Simple, we do what Robin Hood Did, we steal from the rich and give to the poor. I don't mean in the sense of hacking, I mean in the sense of embracing tea party politics.
     We gather en mass. We get ten percent of the population together, roughly thirty million out of work people, go to a bank, each of us gets a loan for ten thousand dollars, that equals: 30,000,000,000 dollars. We put that money together and just start paying people to fix our roads and infrastructure. If the government won't do it then its up to us, this is a democracy. Oh and about paying the loans back, we just do what the tea party wanted to do in the debt deal, we default, don't pay them back. Heck its our money, we bailed them out.
      So there you have it, the contemporary Robin Hood solution.

One More Thing

2011-08-20T01:40:00.000-07:00

     I am sorry, I must apologize fir my eccentric moose brain, it seems I forgot to make a few points in my last post. You see the mind of a moose is very complex and interesting and can therefore be somewhat absent minded. So here it is:

   There is of course a couple more ways that we can prove that those in Washington are forever-children and therefore belong on Never-Never Land. The first is they present no ability to think on there own, to have original ideas and to truly be the innovators and leaders that we need them to be. You see they have never grown up enough to get passed what their fathers thought or would do in a specific situation. Now don't get me wrong the bond between a father and child is a very important one and the knowledge that is shared between the two is equally important. However it seems to me that at some point during adolescence, a moose at least, comes to a point when we are able to make decisions on own own, without our founding fathers. We honor what they taught us but fuse it into our own ideas so that our lives and society move forward and become better. Imagine if our founding fathers would of never thought any differently that their fathers who supported the great king of England. It is also blasphemous and heretical amongst moose to say or presume what their own fathers would do in a current situation if said father is dead. For that would be using their glorious memory to further our own agenda, something that a grown up knows should only be dome with their own thoughts and words.
   The second way that one can tell that these people are forever-children is that never matured enough to go to a party, to be part of that party, and to not care what others at the party say about them. They are so obsessed with fitting in and being accepted amongst the cool kids at the party that they forget they they are representatives of people who have grown up and stopped going to frat parties long ago. So either they can grow up or all of us have to give up our families, jobs, responsibilities and just start hanging around the frat house again. Which since they are having so much fun a the party refuse to creat any good paying jobs most of us are on the verge of anyways.

A Moose's Vision

2011-08-19T01:18:00.000-07:00

     In days of recent memory it has become clear to a moose and many humans that the government that is centered in Washington DC has become divided, dysfunctional and out of touch with the people who elect and ultimately fund this institution. It has become clear to my moose senses that this has caused most people to become angry, upset and disillusioned with the whole situation. The thing that is the root of most of this anger is that in fact no one knows how to fix this dilemma and make the government function again. I, a moose, may be able to offer a true way to look at the situation in hopes of making things much clearer and therefore easier to fix. The first thing you must know in order to be able to accept this new vision is that Washington is not a real place. It was created as a district because it is a magical place. In Newt Gingrich's new propaganda piece we are led to believe Washington is a city on a hill while others may call is the center of freedom.
     Washington is indeed no longer any of these things, Washington is and island. Not metaphorically but literally. It is a special island and one that is hard to get to for you must follow the first star to the right
then go straight on to morning: Washington is Never-Never Land.
      It is a place where young men and women never grow up. They stay children forever, they argue and squabble like children, pout and pint fingers if they don't get their way, are only concerned with money to buy new toys and have no conscience about who they hurt. It is a land where lost children fight against Tiger Lily and the Indians because they have a different color of skin. Almost the same skin color as John Boehner, although he has an over-compensating gavel and Tiger Lily has a tomahawk. It is an island where the poor, desperate and out-of-work pirates, led by a handicapped captain, are hunted by the forever-children who only want the pirate's miniscule treasures for themselves. Washington is a corrupt place that in recent years has, like Never-Never Land, obtained a magical power.
     For in the aftermath if the 14th amendment when the first corporation was treated like a human it laughed and that laugh broke into trillions of dollars and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of imaginary entities being treated like real people who could rain down magic dust or money and raise the receivers above everyone else. I mean if corporations are people I'm going to turn the fairy that lives in my clock into a person, what is the difference?
     So the flaw that most humans have in trying to fix the problem in Washington is that they treat its inhabitants as grown-ups or real people when in fact they are forever-children. To fix this problem we must in fact treat these people like children. When a child is being bad you take away their toys (prostitutes, boats, vacations, health care). When a child doesn't do their chores you deny them their allowance (pay, corporate donations, tax breaks). When all other disciplinary measures fail you must send a child to their room and their friends (fairys) are not allowed to come over and play. So there it is a Moose's point of view on how to make the country forward or maybe just back to adulthood.

The Greedy Servants

2011-08-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

     So back when I was a human I was partial to food and shelter so I had a job and a boss. Now as a moose I find I do well by foraging for food and living in the elements. Now when I had a job I always had a superior. someone to answer to and someone who signed and issued my paycheck. So it always seemed natural to me that when my superior wanted to talk to me, ask my opinion or give me a review I was required to comply with these requests. This always seemed like the normal workplace dynamic.
     So when I read that Paul Ryan of Wisconsin was going to be holding a town hall event but was going to be charging a fifteen dollar admission price I wondered how he was able to get around this normal workplace dynamic. For he has been elected to a public office and therefore is a public servant. Thats right he serves any tax paying human person who therefore signs his paycheck. But he has the audacity to charge a fee so we can be a boss and criticism him.
      I mean come on, when I was a teenager working at Arbys and my manager asked me to come into his office so we could do my quarterly review and I responded by saying "ok for fifteen dollars" I would of been fired. Any one who works for the public good has no right to charge admission for access to them and probably shouldn't have their job much longer - just like any other person or moose in this country.
   Mister walked has said that the fifteen dollar entry fee will cover he cost of food. But once again he is a public servant making 165,000 dollars a year almost three times that of the median income in his district, 58,1999. Do you think he could buy them a hamburger at least.
   So tell me what happens the next time your boss wants to talk to you and you tell him for fifteen dollars.

How and Why

2011-08-17T00:04:00.000-07:00

     January 21, 2010 a day that was 1 year, 6 months, 27 days ago and a day that forever changed the course of my life and maybe the course of the United States of America. It was on this day that I decided I could no longer be considered a person and began my search to find a way to become a moose. A feat I have just recently been able to accomplish and thus has changed my view of the world. A view that I believe has brought a new clarity and sense of responsibility that I would like to share with you in this blog. Honestly, how often do get the point of view from some being that is not of your own species.
     So why did I decide to become a moose is the first question you are most assuredly asking yourself and I suggest the only way for us to remedy that predicament is for me to tell you, so I guess I shall. The reason is thus: On January 21st it was declared by the supreme court of the United States that corporations were actually people or are persons. Now I was a person for several years and still have some of those "person" tendencies and feelings in my new-found moosehood. During this time as a person I came to understand that humans are compassionate, caring, intelligent, educated beings. They have many good traits and qualities: love of art, love of each other, the want to succeed, an understanding of true beauty not artificial beauty, respect and many others that I am sure you are aware of. It is in my mind these qualities that makes you a person. I soon found myself on January 22nd unable to go on living as a person if a corporation was a person for they have no qualities that makes a person a person. They are fueled by greed, without any type of moral code, exist only to destroy and conquer. They are in the mind of a moose not persons, facilitate no qualities of any person I have ever known and therefore I could no longer remain a person as long as corporations are considered thus.
     Therefore I transformed myself into a moose and have been living a nice, decent and in my mind more human life than I ever could with a corporation as my equal. As a side note on this supreme court ruling it was also stated that money is the same thing as speech. So my moose brain must simply ask, is that not socialist? For if money is speech and speech is free you should all be entitled to free money. Of course only the corporations or "super people" get free money in the form of tax payer bail outs. I have no idea what kind of person embraces such activity as this but I can assure you it is not a moose.